Picking Up The Pieces Of Your Broken Heart
Picking Up The Pieces Of Your Broken Heart
by Lee Blackspur
At one time or another, we've all suffered the sadness, anger and bewilderment that accompany the ending of a relationship. Whether you were on the giving or receiving end of the dumping, it's important to grieve the lost relationship and be able to move on!
For some, a fast-paced, intense relationship is just as hard to recover from as a long term pairing. Getting back into the dating world can seem a daunting task or even a chore as we yearn for the comfort and stability that a steady relationship provided us.
The old stand-by's from well intentioned friends may seem trite; "It just wasn't meant to be", "They're not worth it", "You'll find someone else". In the weeks and months after a relationship has ended, our outlook on new relationships is often skewed or unbalanced. If you're looking for a new version of your old relationship, you're sure to be disappointed as you just can't seem to find that person who makes you feel just as your old partner did.
Perhaps you're jaded after being cheated on or lied to and just don't feel that you can trust anyone else... ever. You could even be feeling that you just don't deserve to be happy. While these feelings are certainly a part of the grieving and healing process, dwelling on them too long is sure to leave you in the dating dust as potential partners are turned off and confused by the baggage you bring into each new budding relationship.
It does us well to take a realistic inventory once a relationship has ended. Instead of being completely baffled and wondering what went wrong, focus on the identifiable flaws in the relationship and understand your part in them. If you dated a player and were cheated on, there's obviously not much you could have done to prevent their running around. But is there something that's attracting you to that type of person? Were there warning signs that you might have picked up on sooner, had you been able to recognize them? This technique is certainly not about blaming yourself for the wrongs of others, but in protecting yourself in a realistic way should you be faced with the same warning signs in your next relationship.
Part of this process is to understand exactly what went wrong instead of generalizing the situation. For example, perhaps you just didn't communicate well with your partner. One never really knew what the other was thinking. And he was male. Now does that mean that ALL men are bad communicators? Of course not.
After allowing yourself time to be upset and angry remember that it may not be either party's fault that the relationship ended. Two people can still be two good people, even though they're just not good together. Be thankful that you didn't spend another single day with the person you just aren't meant to be with!
Being single for awhile doesn't hurt, so take some time to get to know yourself before you throw yourself into another relationship. Take time to enjoy your favorite hobbies and hang out with your friends. It does help to stay in the dating world, if only to meet new friends to pass the time with so why not give internet dating a try? You may not feel like entering another relationship but as long as you are upfront about this with your dates, there's no harm in enjoying dinner or a movie with someone new.
When you decide to start dating again, make sure that your past relationship is buried and every trace of it is out of your system! Nothing turns a new date to a disaster as fast as a broken-hearted ex hung up on their old flame. Don't bring them up! They're not a part of your life anymore and can do nothing but sabotage this new relationship. It's okay to think about them from time to time but pictures on your nightstand, love notes framed on your fridge and locks of hair in your dresser drawer are all discouraging to a new love interest... and just plain weird! Get rid of these old reminders to make room for your new relationship to grow.
Remember to take care of yourself as you go about mending your broken heart. Wallowing in midnight ice cream buffets and forgetting to shower aren't punishing anyone but yourself. Be strong! It always helps me to think that the ex isn't sitting at home pitying themselves, so why should I? My competitive nature tells me to get back out there, looking better and having more fun than ever to show them what they're missing out on. Call me petty, but it works for me!
You will also find the post break-up strategy that works best for you. Take your time, but don't let the world pass you by. Don't be too negative or hard on yourself... or the ex. Find comfort in your friends and favorite pastimes until you feel ready to get back out there in full force!
About the Author
Lee Blackspur is the owner of My-Dating-Advice.com which provides online and offline dating tips, advice and articles for men, women and teens of all ages and experience.
by Lee Blackspur
At one time or another, we've all suffered the sadness, anger and bewilderment that accompany the ending of a relationship. Whether you were on the giving or receiving end of the dumping, it's important to grieve the lost relationship and be able to move on!
For some, a fast-paced, intense relationship is just as hard to recover from as a long term pairing. Getting back into the dating world can seem a daunting task or even a chore as we yearn for the comfort and stability that a steady relationship provided us.
The old stand-by's from well intentioned friends may seem trite; "It just wasn't meant to be", "They're not worth it", "You'll find someone else". In the weeks and months after a relationship has ended, our outlook on new relationships is often skewed or unbalanced. If you're looking for a new version of your old relationship, you're sure to be disappointed as you just can't seem to find that person who makes you feel just as your old partner did.
Perhaps you're jaded after being cheated on or lied to and just don't feel that you can trust anyone else... ever. You could even be feeling that you just don't deserve to be happy. While these feelings are certainly a part of the grieving and healing process, dwelling on them too long is sure to leave you in the dating dust as potential partners are turned off and confused by the baggage you bring into each new budding relationship.
It does us well to take a realistic inventory once a relationship has ended. Instead of being completely baffled and wondering what went wrong, focus on the identifiable flaws in the relationship and understand your part in them. If you dated a player and were cheated on, there's obviously not much you could have done to prevent their running around. But is there something that's attracting you to that type of person? Were there warning signs that you might have picked up on sooner, had you been able to recognize them? This technique is certainly not about blaming yourself for the wrongs of others, but in protecting yourself in a realistic way should you be faced with the same warning signs in your next relationship.
Part of this process is to understand exactly what went wrong instead of generalizing the situation. For example, perhaps you just didn't communicate well with your partner. One never really knew what the other was thinking. And he was male. Now does that mean that ALL men are bad communicators? Of course not.
After allowing yourself time to be upset and angry remember that it may not be either party's fault that the relationship ended. Two people can still be two good people, even though they're just not good together. Be thankful that you didn't spend another single day with the person you just aren't meant to be with!
Being single for awhile doesn't hurt, so take some time to get to know yourself before you throw yourself into another relationship. Take time to enjoy your favorite hobbies and hang out with your friends. It does help to stay in the dating world, if only to meet new friends to pass the time with so why not give internet dating a try? You may not feel like entering another relationship but as long as you are upfront about this with your dates, there's no harm in enjoying dinner or a movie with someone new.
When you decide to start dating again, make sure that your past relationship is buried and every trace of it is out of your system! Nothing turns a new date to a disaster as fast as a broken-hearted ex hung up on their old flame. Don't bring them up! They're not a part of your life anymore and can do nothing but sabotage this new relationship. It's okay to think about them from time to time but pictures on your nightstand, love notes framed on your fridge and locks of hair in your dresser drawer are all discouraging to a new love interest... and just plain weird! Get rid of these old reminders to make room for your new relationship to grow.
Remember to take care of yourself as you go about mending your broken heart. Wallowing in midnight ice cream buffets and forgetting to shower aren't punishing anyone but yourself. Be strong! It always helps me to think that the ex isn't sitting at home pitying themselves, so why should I? My competitive nature tells me to get back out there, looking better and having more fun than ever to show them what they're missing out on. Call me petty, but it works for me!
You will also find the post break-up strategy that works best for you. Take your time, but don't let the world pass you by. Don't be too negative or hard on yourself... or the ex. Find comfort in your friends and favorite pastimes until you feel ready to get back out there in full force!
About the Author
Lee Blackspur is the owner of My-Dating-Advice.com which provides online and offline dating tips, advice and articles for men, women and teens of all ages and experience.
posted by attapol at 1:41 PM
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